When kids have experienced trauma, it can have a big impact on how they act and how they relate to others. This can sometimes make things complicated when they are participating in activities in the community. When organizations are sensitive and willing to make some adaptations it can help a foster child fully participate in activities and have a positive experience.
If you need to adapt things for a foster child, make every effort to do it in a way that won’t draw attention to the child. You may want to adapt things for everyone so that child isn’t singled out. It may make a little more work for you, but that child has been through so much and may already have trouble fitting in with their peers. Please don’t do anything to make it harder for them.

1. Be aware that big behaviors are often rooted in big emotions and hurts.
Abuse and neglect have long-term consequences on the neurological and social/emotional development of children. Foster children may have trouble self-regulating or responding appropriately in social situations. Try to see through a child’s behavior to the hurt underneath and respond in compassion instead of frustration.
Children in foster care have experienced a lot and sometimes even seemingly benign things can trigger memories of past trauma. It’s important to be aware of things like volume, tone, and facial expressions. Children who have experienced abuse can become hyper-vigilant in order to cope with the unstable, abusive environment. Raising your voice or having a hostile tone or expression could be read as a lead-up to abuse and trigger a child to respond in a way that may seem to be an overreaction or an inappropriate response.
2. Don’t use foster kids’ photos for publicity or post them online.
No one thinks our kids are cuter or more photogenic than we do, but we are not allowed to have their image published in print or online. It’s probably best not to photograph them unless it’s for something like a craft project and the photos will be taken home.
It’s also good to be careful about things like putting pictures of children on bulletin boards. There are some cases when security is an issue and you don’t want to take the chance that someone will see the child’s image and try to use the fact that the child participates in your programs to find the child.
3. Don’t make assumptions!
You may already have foster kids and families involved in your programs without knowing it. I only share that my kids are in foster care if it is in some way relevant. I don’t think anyone at my little guy’s rec center classes would guess he’s a foster child.
Our little guy, like all foster kids, experienced trauma and it did affect him, but thankfully he was removed before it had more severe impacts. Some things will trigger him, but it’s not something likely to happen at a community organization.
I want him to have as much normalcy as possible, so I don’t always share that he’s in foster care. Sometimes people are surprised when they find out he is a foster kid because he is healthy, friendly, and well-adjusted. I find this disheartening because it probably means they think all foster kids are “damaged goods.” While all kids in care have experienced trauma, they are still just kids so avoid making assumptions.
Some foster kids have more obvious effects of trauma, some don’t. No matter what, treat them like kids!
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